I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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