Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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