Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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