He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
