I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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