I just saw a hot homeless man
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
