Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
