I wanna bring you to show and tell
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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