Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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