i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
