girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Randomize
