My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
