You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
