i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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