My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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