I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
