Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
