we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Are my feet made of real feet?
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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