rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
