I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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