I think I died a long time ago.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I will be naked everywhere
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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