I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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