I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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