meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
