Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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