my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I just forgot I was standing up.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
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