I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
