oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
