So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
