I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
