In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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