honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
