i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
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