I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
