Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
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