I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
