so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
