he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
