Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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