So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
