What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
