wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Randomize
