i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
