There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Randomize
