So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
