you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
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