May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
