Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
