well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
