I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
