how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
