remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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