im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
