I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
