the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
