I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
