what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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