Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
